It's been nearly a week since my last post. It is Monday, May 14th. Tomorrow I will be leaving Slovakia. I do not know when the next time I come back will be. I do not know how today is already here. I do not know exactly how a I feel. I do not know how to put to words what I'm thinking. I do know, though, that I will never forget. This has been my home and as I leave tomorrow, as I sit down on that plane and watch the country so familiar to me disappear bellow, I will be leaving a part of me behind. The life I was called to calls for me to be incomplete. The life I was called to calls for me to be torn. I am a TCK, a Third Culture Kid, and this is my life.
This is the life one can only understand if he has experienced it. One can only understand my tears fully if he has cried the same tears. One can only understand my fears if these same fears once flooded his mind. One can only understand my tornness if he has been torn in the same way. I am a TCK and this is my life.
"Well, believe it or not I just said bye to three of the dearest people to me in the world. I watched Hannah, Becca, and Tyler shrank away into the distance as my train pulled away from the Frudlant station. I listened as the the wheels started turning faster and faster. Then, when we went around a bend in the tracks and the three standing there on the platform disappeared completely from sigth, I sat down, turned on my iPod, and cried as I listened to John Mayer sing my very thoughts."
"I'm sitting here, watching the trees and mountains and villages go by and the hurt deepens. The sadness, the sorrrow, the pain is etching a scar deep in my soul. The scent of the wind flooding in throught the open window fills my brain and makes an eternall mark. Stop this train. I want to get off and go home again. I can't stand the speed it's moving in. I know I can't but honestly won't someone stop this train!? I've traveled this route so many times before. For the first time it hurts. I'm leaving. I can't believe it. When did this happen. The border guards just boarded. Here they come to check my passport. So many times I forgot it. I stood right there and waited for hours for dad to arrive with it...ha...times past..."
"Cause now I see I will never stop this train...and you don't miss a thing till you cry as you drive awya in the dark singing stop this train. I want to get off and go home again. I can't stand the speed it's moving in. I know I can't cause I now I know I'll never stop this train..."
Well as you've probably figured out I went to Czech over the weekend to hang out with Hannah, Becca, and Tyler and those are a few exerpts from my journaling on the train ride back. Tonight I leave completely...I leave the country, the continet...for a while I will be in a different world completely...Tears have run out...for while at least...Today I must say bye to yet more people I love...I'm sure more tears will come, but for now I'm crying without tears...
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5 comments:
John Mayer really knows how to say it. I know that ache, those tears, the feeling of leaving yourself behind. Wish it wasn't like that. I love you...and...I'm glad I'm not alone.
my friend, make sure to listen to Mayer's "the heart of life" song...
and thanks for such an honest post- God has a lot in store for you- and the heart of life is good and the heart of life is GOD...you will find Him in more ways than you can expect...
...keep your head up miss jane austin, and your not alone on this big continent called the U.S...
Cor,
The way you can put to words your thoughts has always amazed me...if I weren't sitting here with Huds and Becca, I'd probably cry...
I love you Corrie, you will ALWAYS have a place in my heart...always.
Hannah
ahoj corrie, milujem tu pesnicku. zvlastne,ako sa slova niekoho uplne ineho aplikuju do nasich zivotov. casto nam to pomaha pomenovat nase pocity. dakujem ti za tento skvely prispevok. velmi si mi opat ukazala, aka je realita zivota s Bohom, kae je to vsetko krehke, aki sme my zranitelni... Boh nam ukazuje, ze nic nie je take dolezite ako to, aby sme isli za Nim kamkolvek nas zavola, pozyva, kamkolvek chce, aby sme isli. Sme dost silni na to, prijimat tieto veci ?? Bud pozehnana Corrie. Som rada, ze som ta mohla stretnut.
Holy cow...somehow I missed this entry until tonight. I saw them on that platform, disappearing. I saw you on the train. i saw the landscapes fly by, I hear the train wheels....Corrie, Your writing...it move me. It moves people. It captures the very core of emotion. You are an icredible woman with an incredible story and what's the best part of all, you know how to capture it in words....write a book!! I want to read it!
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