a couple random thoughts...

I've kinda been doing a lot of thinking lately. I thought I'd just share a few of my thoughts with you!

When I was younger my favorite video game (this was before my hatred for the terrible things such as X-box, Playstation, Nintendo, Gameboy, and all the others evolved!) was Mario brothers. Not only was it fun to just sit down and play a game with my brothers, but it was challenging most of the time and I love challenges. The hardest levels, but at the same time my favorite levels, were the underground levels and the levels in the fire castles and all those. I liked them because not only did you have to get to your goal alive, you had a time limit. The picture moved, pushing you along, if you did not move yourself, until you either moved or fell into one of the pits. There was one thing about these levels, thought that I did not like. That was that you couldn't go back. Once you'd past something, you couldn't go back and get it if the picture had moved past it. I hated this, because no matter how hard you tried, you could not go back, you could not push the picture back to wherever you waned it, or even keep it in the same place. Rather, it just kept pushing you forward.
No, Mario is not what I've been thinking about, I just said all that to help you understand me. I'm at a "level" in my life that's pretty challenging, but at the same time I love it! I love being in high school, being a teenager and everything that comes with it. I would actually be happiest if I could go back to when I was about fifteen or maybe sixteen and just stay there for a while. But I can't the "picture" won't allow it. No matter what I do...time does not stand still, it'll just keep going, never to return to these moments in my life. A few years ago I wouldn't have minded a bit.
Have you ever really, really looked forward to something for a long time. You've just waited for this time with great anticipation and excitement, but then the times come for it and you as if step up to the door that will lead you to whatever it is and you can't figure out why you looked forward to it and you wish you could go back or stay where you are...but you can't.
I've always looked forward to "growing up." Who knows how many times I've said, "when I'm big I'll..." Moving away from home and going to college has always been this light way in the distance... As long as I can remember, I've always looked forward to it...up until a couple months ago, when I realized I really am "growing up." I really am going to be going to college soon. I'm really not going to be in high school any more and I realize I don't know why I've looked forward to this point in my life. I step up to the door because the picture is pushing me forward even though I'm digging in my heels.
However, slowly I'm accepting it (as the picture smashes my face up against the door). Soon I won't have a choice and I'd much rather leave happy than mad or sad or upset. I'm seeking God's will in where to go (all of you whom I told I was going to John Brown...I may not be...we'll see). I'm trying to live my life to its fullest and have an amazing last year of high school! A year ago I would have said I couldn't have a good senior year (or last year at home) anywhere but in Zilina, but God's showing me stuff here, including (slowly) part of his plan, why I'm here, and most importantly that he is the one in control and I haven't been completely surrendered to him. So, there is hope! Hopefully I managed to put my thoughts down in an understandable and comprehensible way...
Well, my friends, next time you play Super Mario Brothers...think of me. And be sure to play one of the underground fire pit levels!